Headline : Relationships are a rollercoaster ride: here’s how to take the ups with the downs

Read more from the original article on here at www.theguardian.com.

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Two married therapists reveal 10 ways to improve the many highs and lows of your love life

When couples get together, there is often the unspoken expectation that you will remain the same as you were on those first dates. An assumption that your level of curiosity, generosity, adaptability and interest will endure, or even increase, throughout your relationship. Even though we all know fairytales are dangerous, there’s a pervading myth that we can find our “one” or “soul mate” and have a problem-free happy-ever-after. This belief can create an underlying disappointment where expectations are unmet. In reality, relationships are intrinsically challenging.

We have been together for 25 years and the ups and downs of our journey have taught us not only that these low points are typical, but that the repair process can build trust and deepen intimacy. Through the difficulties we faced, we sought help in therapy, and now we both work as relationship therapists. Here is some of the tried and tested advice we use, as a couple and in our work, to get through hard times.

1. Who is this person? Your partner is a stranger Treat your partner like someone you are just getting to know, not someone you already know. Maintain respectful manners and behaviour. Couples, especially those who have been together for a while, can rely on an outdated mental version of the other and are blind to the unpredictable and ever-changing person in front of them. One way to keep it fresh is to cultivate curiosity. Please don’t assume you already know everything about them. Become intrigued. Enquire what’s important to them. How is the year going for them so far? What are their wishes, hopes and dreams for life? You never really know your partner because they, like you, change from moment to moment. Curiosity makes room for vibrancy.

Read more from the original article on here at www.theguardian.com.

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